A relative and I watched a show on television in which a woman said she did not think she could live without her husband. My relative’s response to the woman’s statement absolutely floored me. She said, “I don’t understand these people who say they can’t live without a person…how you can’t live without him when you had to meet him at some point?” Let that marinate for a few minutes….because I know you didn’t get it.

YOU had to meet him at some point!!!!

You had to MEET him at some point!!!!

You had to meet HIM at some point!!!!

You had to meet him at SOME point!!!!

You had to meet him at some POINT!!!!!

In case your brain is navigating in slow motion, let me break it down. If you met him (or her) at some point, then that means there was a time in your life that you did not even know him…and YET you lived! There was life before him or her. And just like you had to be introduced to him, there are some things that you do that you didn’t always do. You had to be introduced to these things. And there are some beliefs you hold that you didn’t always believe. You had to be introduced to those concepts. One of the things we have to do as mature people is assess the people, habits, and beliefs that we have embraced to determine whether our life…no not just our life, our LIVING…has been made better or worse because of them.

I have heard that there are three types of people in the world: 1) those that can help you, 2) those that can hurt you, and 3) those that can’t do anything for you. Remember, however, that this works both ways; so you have to decide in which of the three ways you want to affect the people around you. Do you add to the people in your life? Do you subtract from them (financially, emotionally, spiritually)? Or are you a non-factor in their lives?

Our goal should be to help as many people as we can and to be helped by as many people as we can. It is inevitable, though, that we will hurt people and we, ourselves will experience hurt. If you’re smart, some good can come out of experiencing hurt….that is, the lesson you learn from it. But remember, if they’re smart, the people you hurt are learning a lesson, too! The one kind of person we should avoid at all costs and avoid being is the kind that is a non-factor! The non-factor can’t help anyone and they can’t even teach a lesson through hurt. They’re just floating through life, letting life happen to them. They’re not affecting anything or anyone, and they’re not being affected by anything or anyone.

Now is a good time to assess your relationships, habits, and beliefs. If your life was better (happier, healthier, more financially stable) before you were introduced to him/her/it, then you need to remember that you did not always know him/her/it…and yet you lived!!!

Focus, foundation, follow-through, finish, and face!

One thing I don’t like to hear students say to me is, “I’m not like you; I hate math. You can’t expect me to understand it like you understand it.” To that I say something like, “Don’t use my success as a reason for your failure. Be patient and don’t give up.”

The two hardest lessons that I’ve learned as a teacher is that 1) you can’t help them all, and 2)  you have to remember that you (the teacher) know and (hopefully) like your subject matter, and although you may be teaching it for the thousandth time, this is probably the very FIRST time your students are hearing it. I have to remind myself daily that what seems so obvious to me can utterly obfuscate a person who’s never heard what I’m talking about. Now I know that many of my students have HEARD it before from another teacher, but they were not LISTENING, so it’s just like new material to them.

So it is with our own children…many times they have to repeat a lesson because they fall short with whatever instructions we have given them. And so it is with us…many of us have to retake life tests (I’m speaking figuratively) because we, ourselves, are slow learners sometimes! But we can’t give up! We can’t say, “Well so and so has good credit, and I have bad credit, so I’ll never be able to buy a house.” Bad credit is something that can be fixed. We can’t say, “Well so and so can afford a trainer, but I can’t afford a trainer, so I’ll never lose weight.” Being overweight is something that can be fixed. We can’t say, “I live in the hood, so I can’t buy fruits and vegetables.” We find a way to get everything else we want…find a way to make good food choices. We can’t say, “Well you’re good in math, and I’m bad in math, so I’ll never pass this class.” Math-phobia is something that can be overcome.

When I hear, “I’m not good in math,” I tell them…1) focus on the problem at hand, 2) use what you DO know to frame up a foundation for the solution, 3) follow through with logical steps, so you can 4) finish the challenge in order to 5) face the next challenge. We would all be wise to do this when we feel defeated. I know it helps me. What say you?